The Third Reflection

Choices made by fear are not to be tolerated. Choices made due to aversion… will be decided on a case by case basis.

This fall produced a deluge of transitions. Transitions reveal all the cracks routine conceals and rouges over on a daily basis. This fall the make-up had to be scraped off to make way for a new face, but in the middle spaces there was no good way to veil my own smile and put on the fresh lipstick at the same time. What I saw whispered that fears grow, in spite of closing our eyes to them, especially when we close our eyes to them.

I grew an ocean of fears to float my contrariness on. It was easier to sail on my raft of defiance than learn how to cultivate happiness on solid ground, on solid reason, instead of the waves of aversion. I don’t think I’ve hit land yet, but my defiance is not my raft, it is my soul.

So now I’m diving through this ocean, speeding to its depths, intent on pulling up my own island. I will still salt the fields with my fears from time to time. But I refuse to let a stormy ocean protect me from the potential for sunshine.

I am not ready. But that does not matter. Choices made by fear will not be tolerated. Only defiance.